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MERRIK. Sometimes I think my head is so big because it is so full of dreams. Because it is. Do you know what happens when dreams cannot get out?

MRS. KENDAL. Why no.

MERRIK. I don't either. Something must. 

i've been adopting dreams lately. all my dreams have fallen asleep. i suppose they weren't so grand in the first place. today it occurred to me that the qualities about people that take my breath away are abundant in God. 

unexpected and lovely

fun, fun day! rode the big blue bus to the doctor. four stitches later i hopped in my car and drove for two hours in normal, stop and go LA traffic, listening to sermons for the first half of the journey and singing the rest of the way. destination: a big mall with no bookstore. boo. i felt like i was in high school. i once endured places like this because shopping didn't nauseate me. the exciting part was that i got to catch up with an old friend. i haven't seen R. in three years. good conversation, good prayer. much appreciated and enjoyed. a big thanks to God for this day. it's back to work tomorrow!

to sid and his kind

if this was the movies...

i would be standing in the doorway crying because the times were overwhelming and you chose to leave instead of fight.  i would sing, 

i do want the sun on my face, 

though i'd take the shadow if you were beside me. 

i'd also take the park with you, 

if only for the winter.  

then you would return to me with many roses, a song, a dance and a kept promise. 

...if this was the movies.

autumn-ish in new york!

my dearest city, 

i will be visiting you soon and i look forward to seeing your high autumn beauty. save a red leaf for me. maybe two if you feel so inclined, for i am bringing a friend! 

yours always,

me

autumn in new york?

so exciting!

after work tonight K. and i discussed traveling to nyc in the fall to see our friend in a show. i've always wanted to see the city in autumn up close and personal. this possibility makes me happy. coupled with the alabama trip in december i am nearly ecstatic. oh, how i love to travel. esp with friends. 

roller coaster theology

M. preached today and this is what I took home:

a conversation between a dad and his fearful daughter concerning space mountain. daughter tries to get out of riding the roller coaster when they get to the front of the line. 

dad: have i ever hurt you?

daughter: no, sir.

dad: do you know that i love you?

daughter: yes, sir.

dad: then it's okay to be afraid, but it's not okay not to trust me. now...get in the car. ;-)

everyday his love saves me

Last night it was not my wish that I fall asleep ungrateful and overwhelmed. Exhausted as I was, I resisted my bed and hit the couch with my most recent literary gift: Bonhoeffer's Letters and Papers from Prison. Reading B. destroys any misconceptions regarding that which is fundamental and glorious: The fact that there is such a thing as eternity and that Christ is my eternal hope. Who He is and what He has done are more real than the things that overwhelm me. 

To whom or what does my peace and hope truly belong? Lately, I have been challenged by this question (more than usual) and the answer has not been a very pleasant one. Usually it is something like "My peace...is having my own way." 

I've spent the majority of today plugging along letter by letter. I am particularly fond of the letters B. wrote to his friend. 

November 18, 1943

...And if it should be decided that we never meet again, let us remember one another to the end with thoughts of gratitude and forgiveness - and may God grant that we may stand together before his throne one day, praying for one another and joining together in praise and thanksgiving.

I feel a little guilty for my attitude of preferring not to talk with anyone, but it seems no one else's words have held the weight of his, thereby continually leaving me a frustrated conversationalist. A couple of people do come to mind when I think of conversation that is likely to be enjoyable on a day like this. But...

I'm choosing not to call. 

        *  *  *  *  *  *  

I am reminded of grace as I sit stubbornly...

Never doubt My love for you. Be not overwhelmed by grief. It has been my joy to save you. In My love stand complete. 

        *  *  *  *  *  *

Each day tells the other

my life is but a journey

to great and endless life.

O sweetness of eternity

may my heart grow to love thee:

my home is not in time's strife. 

(Tersteegen)