chapter four

somewhat expected news dealt me a harsh blow yesterday. the facts are not important...(no wonder i'm not a journalist)...

it is clear that when i am devastated, panicked with grief, completely rent and no strength of my own will allow me to stand...

all i can do is praise and pray.

all i can do is sing.

i am lifted by your love to sing...

i find a faithfulness that throws disappointment into relief, a wisdom simplified to reveal one thing:

it seems like everywhere i go

the more i see the less i know.

but i know one thing

that i love you.

i love you. i love you. i love you.

in other news...

my pre-1965 copyright, hopefully not "like new" bonhoeffer books will soon be arriving. hurry up!

27-21 and tears

toward the end of the shift tonight, K. approached me and noticed the sullen look on my face and my eyes filling with tears. appearing to be deeply concerned he inquired as to what was wrong. after a few moments of my speechlessness, he figured it out and rolled his eyes...

yes, i was terribly disturbed by the game.

thank you to everyone who expressed their condolences. 

cozy!

thoughts before the wedding

(mike and rebecca's wedding)

'tis both frightening and liberating to imagine walking toward the one who knows you so well, beyond silence, who hears all that is impossible for you to say and delights in you still.

'tis both a moment to sink into and a foretaste of an event to come. on that great day you will know in full how he knows and sees all - nothing has ever escaped his sight...

before the foundations of the world he knew this quite well and made provisions at great cost, with great love.

'tis a wondrous miracle to be seen clearly and loved truly. 

good to hear

this afternoon when i started to tell M. a story, i felt i needed to throw in a slight preface. he laughed a little and responded, "you forget that i know you." i've thought about this statement all day long and how i sense God telling me the same thing.

i forget that He knows me.

when i remember and dwell in this truth, it seems that i am less of a stranger than i thought, more of His child and thus my soul is assured and quieted.

it was, like, 7th grade

okay, so call me a dork, but i REALLY enjoyed High School Musical tonight!



I want you to know

I've never had someone that knows me like you do
The way you do
I've never had somone as good for me as you
No one like you so lonely before i finally found
What i've been looking for

So good to be seen
So good to be heard

Don't have to say a word

For so long I was lost
So good to be found

I'm loving having you around

This feeling's like no other

welcome, my friends

my library welcomes this fine day the following works:


No Man is an Island
The Oedipus Cycle
Plays of Henrik Ibsen
Jane Eyre


to the newcomers: i hope you will be content on the shelf i assign to you until i can pay you proper attention over a cup of tea.

sweet love

My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God. Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may lay her young, at your alters, O Lord of hosts, my King and my God. Blessed are those who dwell in your house, ever singing your praise!*

His care is above all grief. His presence is sufficient for all absence. His song is the home for which I long. 

*Psalm 84

even so, he is

when friends go their own way and my heart cannot find poetry and I have forgotten the glory of former days and my senses can no longer perceive texture, color, harmony or the journey of wine...

...and plans are no longer frustrated but dead and no experience is overwhelmingly grand and when I am invisible and counted as weightless and of no benefit by the world, what will remain, what will stand?

And do you seek great things for yourself? Seek them not, for behold I will bring adversity on all flesh. But I will give your life to you as a prize in all places, wherever you go.* 

what will stand is that he endured the dark for me. my life is given to me as a prize because he lost his. i am well and sustained by what he has done, not how i feel. what a relief this is! 

*Jeremiah 45