for lack of sleep

my sleep has been interrupted the past couple of nights. two nights ago i dreamt that matt was arranged to be married to a princess. another friend and i were the only ones who knew it was something he did not want. we were determined to get him out of it. but if the marriage didn't go through it was treason or something so all of our lives were on the line. it was an adventurous dream. and frightening. 

i can't remember the details of my dream last night, but it wasn't pleasant. i contemplated not sleeping at all tonight - since i have to be up earlier than usual. but it probably isn't the smartest thing to do. i will end up cranky. i will take the risk of being disturbed instead. 

this afternoon the coffee shop was my haven. God was kind to me there. He assured me that when it feels as though i am being twisted and engulfed, i am not being tormented for sport - i am being molded and refined. 

i discovered i am messier than i thought. not as put together. more bruised, broken, paradoxical, tumultuous...

i have no disposition that merits favor. all wholeness, holiness, radiance, beauty, excellence and sober-mindedness is from Him and in Him and through Him. 

a lovely and accurate poem found me and i was grateful.  

kevin read to me some words about Jesus written by someone who is now dead (i think). i smiled incredibly big and exclaimed loudly "delicious! delicious!" with an ecstatic heart. i needed that. 

i want sunday (easter) to be simple. not busy. full of prayer and family. kindness. service. hope. thanksgiving. laughing. dancing.